The Bible is clear about the duties of a pastor’s wife. In fact, it lists a number of them.
The first is that she must submit to her husband (Eph. 5:22). This means that she must help him and support him in his work as a pastor by submitting to him in all things.
She must also respect him at all times (1 Peter 3:6). This means that she should never talk back or disobey her husband because he is the head of the household (Colossians 3:18).
She must be faithful to him (Titus 2:5). This means that she cannot have any affairs with other men while married to him; otherwise, her body will be destroyed by fire on judgment day (Matthew 19:12).
She should not nag or quarrel with her husband either but instead show love to others—even those who do not deserve it (1 Peter 3:7-8).
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Biblical Duties Of A Pastor Wife
The role of a pastor’s wife is not an easy one. In fact, the role can be quite overwhelming! The expectations placed upon a pastor’s wife are tremendous, and she must carry herself with the utmost care at all times. As in any other marriage relationship, there are many ways to successfully fulfill the biblical duties of a pastor’s wife. However, I believe that in order for her to do so, she must first recognize some key factors about who she is and what her role is as defined by God:
Encouraging her husband
As a pastor’s wife, you will be asked to do many things. You may be asked to teach a class or speak at church. You may be asked to join the choir, sing solos, or lead prayer groups. You may be asked to plan and run events for the congregation and community as well as take care of your home and family.
It is important that you are able to ask for help when needed but also learn how to say “no” when someone asks something that is outside your scope of responsibility or ability. This means being honest with yourself about what you really can do, not just saying yes because it makes someone happy or because it makes them think better of you.
Remember: we all have different abilities so don’t worry if yours are not like someone else’s! It doesn’t mean that one person is more spiritual than another; they’re simply called on by God (or maybe even fate) in different ways–just like some people have musical talents while others excel at sports.”
Not being a hindrance to the ministry
- Not being a hindrance to the ministry
If you are married to a pastor, then there are some things that you must do and some things that you must not do.
- Not being a hindrance to the work of God in your home town
- Not being a hindrance to the work of the church
- Not being a hindrance to the work of your husband’s ministry at all times
Putting God first in her life
As a pastor’s wife, it is your responsibility to put God first in your life. This means that when you wake up each morning, you must think about what God wants for you for the day and then act accordingly. Your husband doesn’t come second—and neither do your children or anyone else! The Word of God says that “the husband is head of his wife as Christ is head of His body.” (Ephesians 5:23) It doesn’t say anything about the wife being equal or even more important than her husband. That’s why he should be able to trust that putting God first will never come at his expense.
A Christian example for the community of believers
A pastor’s wife should be a good example for the community of believers. She should be a model for other women, showing them how to live as Christians and providing an example of love and faithfulness that is worthy of emulation. Her children will also benefit from seeing how she lives out her faith, as they are sure to learn much more by watching than listening to her preach it.
She must also be an example in word and deed to all around her: unbelievers, fellow believers who are not yet mature in their walk with Christ, and most importantly her husband. A pastor’s wife has a unique opportunity to shape those around them by taking on this role with humility and grace.
A good steward of all God gives her
A good steward of all God gives her
A pastor’s wife must be a good steward of all that God has given her. This includes time, talents, finances, relationships, emotions and the body. A pastor’s wife must also be careful not to waste any opportunity for service and use them for maximum effectiveness for God. She must also guard against letting anything hinder her ability to serve him with all she has been given.
She is to use every gift that God has given her wisely and carefully so that when he returns he will find his investment in her well used by another (1 Cor 4:2).
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, And whose hope is the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, Which spreads out its roots by the river, And will not fear when heat comes; But its leaf will be green, And will not be anxious in the year of drought, Nor will cease from yielding fruit. (Jeremiah 17:7-8)
God is the one who gives us life and breath, hope for the future, peace, strength and joy. The following scriptures will show you a key role that God has given to all believers.
I am the Alpha and Omega, the first and the last: and what thou seest write in a book (Revelation 22:13)
The Revelation of Jesus Christ which God gave unto Him to show unto His servants things which must shortly come to pass; And He sent it by His angel unto His servant John (Revelation 1:1-3)
And behold I am coming quickly; Blessed is he that keeps the words of prophecy in this book (Revelation 22:7)
qualities of a pastors wife
Every so often, I believe the church expects too much from the wives of pastors, and as a result of this, burn out, depression, feeling isolated or lonely and feeling unappreciated happens. It is important for the pastor’s wife to practice self-care and be able to establish a balance between her home, her vocation & the local church. There are many articles out there on pastors’ wives and their roles in the church and to their husbands, but today, I want to focus more on the pastor’s wife’s role in the lives of the female church members.
I have been privileged to serve under a few awesome ministers/pastors and their wives, and at the same time, I have served under others who have turned their congregations upside down as a result of their ungodly attitudes and unwise decisions. I am not here to bring down anyone but instead to help the pastor’s wives, and other women leaders ( i.e. elders, deaconess, etc.), in the church, develop a better relationship with their church women (members). I have witnessed too often in local assemblies (especially smaller ones), quarrels that have occurred between members of the church and pastors’ wives. It shouldn’t be so!
Now the Bible does not address the involvement of the pastor’s wife in any ministry. There is nowhere in scripture where it specifies where exactly the pastor’s wife should serve.
And so just like any other born-again Christian with spiritual gifts and talents, you serve where you are called and gifted to serve. Having said this, keep in mind that when the Lord calls a man into the ministry, He calls the man and his wife (husband & wife have become one, Mark 10:8, Gen 2:24). When the mantle has been given to a man or woman of God to lead a congregation, they will be responsible for everything that goes on in that church.
And so it is safe to say one of the major responsibilities of the pastor’s wife in the church, is to oversee the affairs of the women’s ministry amongst other areas. She must have a good rapport with all the female members of the church and this includes the women department or ministry leaders ( depending on church size).
I have a few friends who are pastors’ wives, and they come from various cultural backgrounds, denominations, and reside all over the world. Over the years, in conversations, they have shared with me both the good and the “not so good” of serving in that role and they pretty much say the same thing. Based on our discussions, I have put together some of the top qualities they believed have helped them be effective in their church roles.
These qualities can apply to relationships with all members, but as mentioned earlier, my focus is more on the dealings with the women in the church.
1. Apply wisdom – A Pastor’s wife must choose her words carefully. In her speech and action, wisdom should be applied, some have driven members out of the church with their mouths. “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. “Proverbs 31:26, The Bible also tells us to ask for godly wisdom if we desire it. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. “James 1:5
2. Be Ready & Willing to Serve – A Pastor’s wife must be ready and willing to serve others. She must be a woman with a servant’s heart working alongside her husband to fulfill the vision and mission of the local assembly and be equipped to handle the challenges of the position.
3. Be Approachable – A pastor’s wife must be approachable, make yourself available & welcoming to your members. Do not be standoffish; remember you are a leader, and you never know when a sister needs counseling, a listening ear, or just a smile from you that will go a long way in his or her life that day.
If we are going to be obedient to God and His Word, then it is imperative that we understand the biblical duties of a pastor’s wife. If you are called to be a pastor’s wife or if you already are a pastor’s wife, then God has given you the privilege and responsibility of being an encourager to your husband. I pray you will embrace this role with eagerness. It is one of the greatest gifts that God can bestow upon us as women.