The Bible is a book that is full of wisdom, and one of the most important roles in life is that of being a good leader. For men, this means leading their family and making sure they are able to do what they need to do while keeping everyone safe.
It’s not an easy job, but it’s one that God expects us to take seriously. Here are some Bible verses about men leading their families:
1 Peter 3:7 says “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Ephesians 5:25 tells us “Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
Bible Verses About Man Leading His Family
The Bible describes the roles of men and women as complementary. God has given men the responsibility of leading, while women have been given the responsibility to support their husbands and families. Here are ten Bible verses that provide an overview of God’s view on the role of a man leading his family:
Notice that all the Bible verses listed above give commands to men. There are important reasons for this. Ephesians 5:23 says that Christ is the head of every man and then in verse 24 we read that “the husband is the head of his wife.” According to 1 Timothy 2:13, Adam was not deceived by Satan but Eve was deceived (1 Timothy 2:14). This means that when it comes to spiritual matters, husbands are responsible for how things go in their homes; if things go wrong spiritually, it is ultimately a husband’s fault because he has failed to lead his wife. Thus, God gave commands directly to husbands because He holds them accountable for their leadership within marriage.
Man Accountable To God For Family
1 Timothy 3:4-5 Amplified Bible (AMP)He must manage his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity [keeping them respectful and well-behaved] (for if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?).
Malachi 2:14-15 (NIV)
God’s plan for marriage includes a husband and wife who love each other, work together, and raise their children to be devoted believers. It is not God’s intention for the father of a family to be the only leader in his home. God wants both parents to lead their families together as one unit. This requires that you respect your husband enough to submit yourself under his authority—not because he is stronger or smarter than you are but because he cares deeply about your well-being and your future happiness (Ephesians 5:22-24).
Ephesians 5:22-33 (ESV)
The Bible is clear that the husband should be the head of the household. The Bible also tells us that he is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. Husbands, you are called by God to lead your family. You are responsible for providing for them, protecting them and keeping them on the right path.
Husbands should never allow themselves to become lazy in their duties to their wives or children. Instead, they must provide leadership and guidance in every situation so that all members of the family know who is making decisions about all aspects of life together.
1 Peter 5:3 (NASB)
“Likewise, you wives be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.” —1 Peter 3:1-2 (NIV)
The Bible teaches us that a husband is to be a leader in the home, for example:
- “In the same way, you wives should submit yourselves to your own husbands so that even if some refuse to obey the word, they will be won over without verbal arguments when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” —1 Peter 3:1-2 (NIV)
Matthew 18:20 (NLT)
When you consider the verse, “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them,” it’s easy to think about how we can use this to build a community of believers. This is certainly true, but this passage also points us towards the greater truth that God is present among His people and in their lives.
There’s an important distinction here between being present and being a part of something: Jesus was not just on Earth as a man or even just as the Son of God; He was fully human and fully divine. Likewise, when we gather as Christians, we don’t just have one person who represents Christ—the whole body has its own unique representation of Him because each person adds something different to His life here on Earth!
We might think that our small group meetings are meaningless because they’re too small to make an impact on the world at large (and let’s face it—they usually do feel that way!), but if we can learn how much God enjoys spending time with us—even if only for 30 minutes once every two weeks—then we’ll begin understanding His desire for our lives as well!
Ezekiel 22:30 (NIV)
- “I sought for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none.”
- Ezekiel 22:30 (NIV) God wants husbands to lead their families. Husbands are called by God to lead their homes spiritually, emotionally and physically. It is important that husbands understand this call and fulfill it in their lives because they are shaping their children’s future by how they behave today.
Proverbs 27:23 (NIV)
If a man heeds his wife’s advice, he will be happy.
If you listen to your wife, you will be blessed. If a wise man listens to his wife and is guided by her counsel, then they are both blessed by it.
Matthew 6:14-15 (NKJV)
In the midst of a world that can be overwhelming, it’s easy to get caught up in the business of everyday life and forget about the bigger picture. We forget how thankful God has been for us, especially when we consider all that He has done for us. The Bible tells us in Matthew 6:14-15 (NKJV) that “the eye is the lamp of your body; if then your eye is sound, your whole body will be full of light” (Matthew 6:22). This means that if you are grateful for everything you have and don’t take things for granted, then you’ll be more likely to find happiness and joy in life.
Remember always to thank God for the gifts He has given you because they are precious gifts indeed!
Proverbs 27:17 (ESV)
The Bible is filled with verses that show how important it is to lead your family well. For example, Proverbs 27:17 (ESV) reminds us that it is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. A wise man keeps his knowledge to himself, but a foolish man proclaims his wisdom aloud. The Bible also tells us not to be yoked together with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14), which means that you should never allow unbelief or sin into your relationship with your spouse.
Ephesians 4:29 (NKJV)
Sometimes, it’s easy to forget that we are called to imitate God in all that we do. Ephesians 4:29 (NKJV) says, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification according to the need of the moment that it may give grace to those who hear.” In other words, be kind and compassionate towards others; forgive one another; don’t let anger fester.
God wants husbands to lead their families.
You can’t have a strong family if you don’t have a strong leader, and God has given the responsibility of leadership within the home to men (Genesis 2:18-25). Men are called to be leaders in their families because they are physically stronger than women and can protect them when needed. Husbands should also lead their wives spiritually as well as physically (1 Corinthians 11:3) by serving them like Christ served His Church (Ephesians 5:25). In addition to leading his wife spiritually and physically, a man has an obligation to provide financial support for his family. God gave Adam physical work which he called “man’s duty.” This duty includes providing food for his family (Genesis 2:15-16).
As a husband, I must admit that I have failed many times to lead my family. However, God is still good and His grace is sufficient.
It’s important to realize that leading your family isn’t just being the head of the house. No, it’s about modeling Jesus Christ in all areas of life. It’s about being selfless and considering others as more important than yourself (Philippians 2:3). It’s about loving your wife enough to make sacrifices for her (Ephesians 5:25). It’s about spending time with your children and teaching them the ways of God (Deuteronomy 11:19).
It’s not easy being a leader, but through prayer and the Word of God, you can learn how to lead your family in a godly way.
What Does It Mean for a Man to Lead His Family Spiritually
(What is a spiritual leader in a Christian marriage? In the first of this two part series, I’m going to talk about husbands as spiritual leaders. In part 2, I am going to talk about what it means for wives to submit to their husbands. )
Many men are intimidated about what it means to be a spiritual leader. Many times these men are dating wonderful, Godly women wondering if they can ever “lead” them.
There are a lot of misconceptions that paralyze these men from moving forward. Many feel that they need to have it all together, or they need to be at a certain spiritual place before they can be a leader.
What is a leader?
A leader is someone with a vision. A great leader is someone who is willing to lovingly guide their followers to a goal. Here are characteristics of men who are good spiritual leaders:
1. A spiritual leader prioritizes his walk with God
You don’t need to be a pastor or elder of your church. You don’t need to be a Bible study leader or pray 10 hours a day or memorize the new testament.
However there needs to be a sense that God is important and it is a priority. A godly woman will not feel safe knowing that it is so easy for you to forego spending time with God and nurturing your relationship with Him.
Many people will not miss a day of work whether they have the flu or have two broken legs (I am guilty of this). But they struggle to go to church if they are tired. There is no judgment here–we all have a right to have whatever priorities we want. But since this an article about spiritual leadership, in order to be a spiritual leader, you need to be prioritizing your relationship with God.
2. He puts the needs of his wife and family above his own
A lot of the men I counsel are struggling to transition from bachelorhood to husbandhood. They struggle to let go of the 6 days of the week basketball playing, or working 60 hour weeks, then heading to the bar afterwards. Some have very loose boundaries with women (e.g. Social media flirting, blatant wandering eyes, emotional affairs), which hurt their spouse deeply.
Being faithful to church activities and even your own quiet times will not help you be a spiritual leader if you aren’t putting the needs of your wife and family before your own. Your wife will not be able to follow someone she feels is hurting her.
3. A spiritual leader is mature and doesn’t use his position to lord it over his wife
Being a spiritual leader means to protect and build up. This means respecting and loving your wife, helping her to be the best she can be. It means being a good listener and not always trying to be right but being curious about what your wife is trying to communicate with you.
It means being humble enough to learn about what it means to nurture your relationship with your wife. It means being willing to read books, or go to therapy, talk to your pastor, or attend a marriage conference to learn more if you need growth in this area.
4. He initiates, sets good boundaries, and stands firm when he needs to.
While being a controlling tyrant is not a sign of a spiritual leader, neither is a passive follower. Make sure that you take a stand when you need to. Make sure that you don’t ask your wife what to do at every turn or wait for her to tell you what to do. Take the initiative, be aware of the needs of your wife and your household. Don’t agree with everything out of fear. (And again, if you are having trouble with this, get help!)
Being a spiritual leader is similar to being a good Christian: love God and love others. Basically, keep your own spiritual life in check. Make it a priority. Keep growing in your walk with God and seek Him just as much as you seek your promotion or your next goal at the gym. And then loving others: make sure you are loving your wife sacrificially, leading her to become her best self, and standing firm when needed.
Being a spiritual leader is something that you practice and grow into over time. Put time and effort into it and you will see rewards in your family and your walk with God.
Man Accountable To God For Family
Role of the Husband in the Bible – Leader
The role of the husband in the Bible starts with leadership. Scripture makes it very clear that a husband must be a leader of his home and have healthy control of his life. 1 Timothy 3, in speaking of two church leadership positions traditionally filled by men, teaches that an Overseer and Deacon must manage their family well. Verse 5 specifically says, “If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?”
Furthering this understanding, Ephesians 5:21-24 says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Again, in 1 Corinthians 11:3, Scripture says, “But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”
One of the primary roles of a husband in the Bible, then, is to lead. Leadership simply means influence. Therefore, a biblically-based husband should influence his family. Husbands are not dictators, they should not demand, they should not rule over their wives. Instead, husbands should influence their wives and families in accordance with biblical teaching. They should exemplify, with their voice and their actions, attributes that bring glory to God and value to their spouse and family. The fruit of a good biblically-based husband is a strong, confident, spiritually mature wife and family.
Two very specific ways a husband influences his home is through his provision and protection.
Role of the Husband in the Bible – Provider and Protector
The role of the husband in the Bible starts with leadership, but encompasses provision and protection. A husband will never influence his wife if he does not care for her. He can demand and she may follow as a result, but he will never truly have her heart unless he provides for her needs, cares for her well-being, and protects her both physically and spiritually. For as Scripture says:
“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:19).
“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers” (1 Peter 3:7).
God loves His daughters and the children they bear. When He gives one of His daughters to a man, He desires that the man cares for her. In no place does Scripture teach or endorse that women and children be considered second rate or inferior to men. Instead, He finds them so precious that He asks for special care to be given them; a care that only biblically-based men can provide. Women are very capable of taking care of themselves. However, God did make men and women different and thus due to the physical nature and strength God gave men, He has charged them with the provision and protection of their families.
The physical nature and strength of a man is to be managed with grace and gentleness. God did not create men to lord over women nor did he create women to simply wait on men. He made them both to complement each other through healthy companionship.
Role of the Husband in the Bible – Companion
The role of the husband in the Bible is fulfilled through the heart of companionship. Ephesians 5:25-33 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
The relationship between a husband and a wife is meant to be one of love, respect, and support. They are to help each other. This idea is introduced at the beginning of the Bible in the story of the creation of Eve. Adam needed a companion, a suitable helper, yet one could not be found until God created Eve. Genesis 2:20-24 says, “…But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.’ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
This also leads to another understanding of companionship. God created men and women with natural, physical, and emotional differences. Usually where one is weak, the other is strong. Therefore, a husband and wife can help each other by meeting the other person’s needs through physical and emotional intimacy. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 addresses this, “But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” When the needs of our spouse are properly met through healthy companionship, the two can help each other and can live a successful life together.
Lastly, through their companionship a husband and wife work together as a team to develop and grow a family. God’s plan was that every home operate under the specific roles of both a husband and a wife and that through this they raise healthy children who honor God with their lives. Ephesians 6:1-3 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ —which is the first commandment with a promise— ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’” Children are blessed through the honor of their mother and father working in unison to train them up in the way they should go.
The companionship between a man and a woman is directed by the influence of the husband through his provision and protection and is covered by his caring, gentle, and graceful love for his wife and family. Without the biblical roles of a husband being fulfilled by a strong man of God, the family unit risks the difficulties brought on by sin and spiritual distortion. Satan desires the destruction of the family, but through Christ and proper understanding of biblical roles, the family is a strong and safe place to grow in God.
Reasons Why a Husband Doesn’t Lead His Family
There are many reasons why a husband doesn’t lead his family and today I’m going to uncover all those reasons. The solutions to those reasons will be addressed in future posts. So, if you have a husband who has a hard time leading his family, then subscribe to my site so you don’t miss out on future posts.
For the husband is head of the wife. Ephesians 5:23
14 Reasons Why a Husband Doesn’t Lead His Home
- Maybe he doesn’t know how to lead his home.
- Maybe he didn’t have a father in his life to teach him what leading a family looked like.
- Maybe his father was married to a contentious woman, therefore, his dad kept his mouth shut so he could keep the peace in the home. A son who saw this growing up is emulating his father who wasn’t a good role model in leading his family.
- Maybe he’s a laid back, easy-going, type of personality and leading does not come naturally to him.
- Maybe he’s married to a contentious woman and he wants to keep peace in the home. If this defines your relationship, you have a lot of control over this area to make some changes, friend. (smile!)
- Maybe he’s lazy and he doesn’t care. (This is truly sad, but unfortunately in some marriages, this is a reality.)
- Maybe he’s been taught by his parents that he’s no good and he’ll never amount to anything. (He’s afraid to fail so he doesn’t try too hard in life. Or maybe he lacks the confidence.)
- Maybe he’s been beat down and discouraged by his wife, therefore, he’s apprehensive to take the lead in the family. Again, my fellow wifey-friend, if this is you, you can make some changes and turn your marriage around!
- Maybe he’s fine with the way things are in the marriage.
- Maybe he doesn’t realize that his wife feels like he’s not leading!
- Maybe his and his wife’s roles are not defined within the marriage.
- Maybe the roles were reversed when he entered into marriage and it’s hard for him to make changes.
- Maybe he’s trying to change but he’s having a hard time doing so.
- Maybe he’s not changing fast enough according to his wife.
Sometimes we think it’s natural for our husbands to just lead us in the home but that is not always the case! Husbands have insecurities, lack of confidence, poor or no role models, as well as bad habits just like us. The only difference between the two genders is that a man’s struggle/issue will manifest differently than a woman’s.
Since today I’m not covering solutions to these various reasons, here’s a few things you can do in the meantime:
Spend some time talking with your husband and share your heart about what it is that you desire for your marriage, but be careful here. Make sure you don’t beat him up over this issue. Your tone should be filled with grace and kindness, otherwise, your husband probably won’t listen to a word you say or an argument will ensue.
See if you can pinpoint some areas that he might be struggling in and then spend time in prayer and lifting him up to the Lord. Ask the Lord to reveal to you areas where you might be able to encourage and strengthen your husband, as well as areas where you need to back off and just let things go in your home life.