If you see your ex in a dream, one theory is that you haven’t really gotten past the relationship. As dreams can mimic reality, if you still feel affection for your ex, they might manifest in your nightmares. Your real-life feelings towards your ex, though, don’t have to be romantic.
Why Do I Keep Dreaming About My Ex Spiritual Meaning
In an ideal world, bedtime would be a moment of peace and relaxation, but it isn’t always that simple. Even if you fall asleep easily, drifting off typically opens the door to another world—the one in your head. And while your night visions can sometimes be controlled in a cool way, as through lucid dreaming, they can also quickly become a source of stress when you start worrying about crazy-vivid dreams during waking life.
Particularly if your ex keeps showing up in your dreams…Whether your breakup ended amicably or left you unglued and struggling to get over them, your ex is “back” (in your mind, anyway) and now you can’t seem to shake the thought of them even when you’re awake. So what does it mean for your real life, if your former flame keeps appearing to invade your slumber? Surprisingly, experts say it’s not necessarily a sign that you have unresolved issues and/or want to get back together with them.
Dreaming about an ex is—even one you haven’t seen in years—is normal, and usually about something else entirely. Here, psychologists and a dream analyst break down the most common reasons it’s happening.
In an ideal world, bedtime would be a moment of peace and relaxation, but it isn’t always that simple. Even if you fall asleep easily, drifting off typically opens the door to another world—the one in your head. And while your night visions can sometimes be controlled in a cool way, as through lucid dreaming, they can also quickly become a source of stress when you start worrying about crazy-vivid dreams during waking life.
Particularly if your ex keeps showing up in your dreams. Whether your breakup ended amicably or left you unglued and struggling to get over them, your ex is “back” (in your mind, anyway) and now you can’t seem to shake the thought of them even when you’re awake. So what does it mean for your real life, if your former flame keeps appearing to invade your slumber? Surprisingly, experts say it’s not necessarily a sign that you have unresolved issues and/or want to get back together with them. Dreaming about an ex is—even one you haven’t seen in years—is normal, and usually about something else entirely.
Meanings of Exes in Dreams:
1. Unresolved Feelings: Dreaming about an ex can be a reflection of unresolved feelings or emotions that you still need to process. This doesn’t necessarily mean you want to reconcile with them, but rather that there are lingering emotions that need to be acknowledged and dealt with.
2. Seeking Closure: Seeing an ex in your dreams can also indicate a need for closure in that past relationship. Perhaps there are loose ends that need to be tied up or unanswered questions that are still lingering in your mind.
3. Reminder of Past Mistakes: Your ex appearing in your dreams could be a reminder of past mistakes or lessons that you need to learn from that relationship. It may be a sign that you need to reflect on past behaviors and make positive changes in your current relationships.
4. Symbol of Change: In some cases, dreaming about an ex can symbolize change and growth in your own life. It may be a sign that you are ready to move on from that past relationship and embrace new opportunities and relationships in your life.
Biblical and Cultural Symbolism:
In the Bible, there are several stories and verses that can help us understand the symbolism of dreaming about an ex. One such story is that of Joseph and his brothers in the book of Genesis. Joseph’s brothers betrayed him and sold him into slavery, but in the end, Joseph forgave them and they were reconciled. This story teaches us about forgiveness, letting go of past hurts, and moving forward in a positive way.
Culturally, the image of an ex-partner in dreams can represent unresolved emotions, regrets, or unfinished business. In many cultures, dreams are seen as a way for the subconscious mind to process and work through unresolved issues in our waking life.
Overall, dreaming about an ex is a common occurrence that can have various meanings depending on the individual and their personal experiences. It’s important to reflect on the emotions and themes present in these dreams and consider how they may be impacting your current life and relationships. By acknowledging and addressing these feelings, you can work towards finding peace and closure within yourself.
Your ex is just a symbol.
“Humans have been trying to make sense of their bedtime visions since well before recorded history,” says Gary Toub, Ph.D., a senior training analyst at the C.G. Jung Institute of Colorado. “The biggest mistake you can make when trying to interpret your dream is to think it’s actually about the person you just dreamt about,” according to Toub, because dreams are symbolic. Instead, he says, focus on the hidden content of your dream. “Your subconscious mind, or your dream, picks the best possible representation for something that it’s trying to symbolize, so if the content is about your ex, you need to look at how that ex symbolizes something within yourself.”
The dream is actually about you…not your ex.
Think of the people in your dreams as the vessel for your emotions. “You are the one who created your dream. It’s like an art piece of your emotions and represents all parts of you,” says Marion Frank, a psychologist specializing in dream analysis and relationships in the Philadelphia area. “Dreams help us process emotions by encoding and constructing memories of them. What we see and experience in our dreams might not always be real, but the emotions attached to these experiences are,” Frank says.
Research out of the Sleep and Neuroimaging Lab at UC Berkeley discovered evidence linking emotions and dreams. The study found that a reduction in REM sleep resulted in a reduced ability to understand complex emotions in daily life. If you’re dreaming about your former love, even if they were an abusive ex, ask yourself, “what’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think about them?” says Toub.
What we see and experience in our dreams might not always be real, but the emotions attached to these experiences are.
“Even though it may be negative, often it’s those qualities and what they symbolize that are pointing to things about yourself,” he says. For instance, perhaps you just had an ugly argument with your current significant other—maybe you acted poorly and the argument you had is bringing out a side of you that you feel relates to how your ex used to treat you.
Alright, let’s say you had a fight with your spouse, then dreamt of sleeping with your ex…
The anger you were feeling toward your spouse the moment before you went to bed is percolating in your subconscious. “Your ex may have been an angry person, yet you’re having a positive, intimate moment in your dream with this individual you actually loathe in your conscious world,” Toub suggests.
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The ex probably represents anger, and it’s more likely to be the angry side of you. Toub explains that dreams are about what just happened that day. “All of the experiences of the day marinate in your mind. The dream is the commentary of what was going on up until you fell asleep.” Your dream is pointing you toward something about yourself.
However, if you’re having recurring sex dreams about your ex, there’s more to explore.
Don’t panic and take it as a sign that you belong with your ex (you broke up for a reason!). “You need to cast a wider net into your life—the sex you’re having with your ex in your dream might not mean your current sex life isn’t great, or that you don’t desire the person you’re in a relationship with if you’re coupled up,” Frank says. You simply might be needing more intimate connections from your family or your friends.
“The repetitive nature of your dream is your psyche giving you messages on a different level. Your subconscious is telling you that you’re not quite getting the memo in your conscious life, so consider analyzing the symbols you’re seeing in your dream,” she explains. Your dream is like a fax machine, giving you notes to figure things out when you’re awake. “Dreams are a form of healing,” Frank adds.
What if your ex cheated on you IRL but you’re dreaming that you two are happy?
Your ex betrayed you. Yet here you are waking up at 3 a.m., confused because you were walking hand-in-hand with them on a sunny beach. “There are so many metaphors happening in a dream, it’s not about one thing, like only the ex,” Frank explains. She says you have to work with the dream to see the layers. For instance, where is the location in the dream (the beach), what is the emotion (bliss), and what did you first feel when you woke up (closure?).
Your dream is pointing you toward something about yourself.
If you live nowhere near a beach and you’ve always associated negative feelings toward this person, your dream may be telling you that you’re entering a transformative period in your life. “What is it you like about the mind frame you’re in during this dreamlike state, and then try to apply that to your everyday life,” she adds. It might mean that you’re ready for a change: a new job, or taking the next step with the person you’re dating. The dream may not even be about the betrayal you associate with your ex, but rather the ability to move on and find closure with your past.
Is it true that if you dream of someone they dream of you?
No. Sweet as that sounds, we don’t become psychic mediums in our sleep. But Layne Dalfen, dream analyst and author of the Have a Great Dream series, does believe that people can share an extra-sensory connection with someone they’ve been with for a long time. “Though this isn’t my way of looking at dream analysis, after 48 years doing this I know without question that we are capable of ESP and we are talking to each other all the time—sometimes with words, and sometimes with thoughts.”
For example, Dalfen says, she and her husband have been married for 32 years, and she says it’s not uncommon for them to have a similar idea at the same time. “Let’s say I’m lying in bed in the morning thinking to myself, “gee, I would love to go to a movie tonight.” And out he walks from the shower, and he says to me, ‘Do you want to go see a movie tonight?'” This, she points out, happens a lot with in-sync couples.
“You might have similar images in your dreams, but for me, that wouldn’t be a psychic kind of thing,” Dalfen adds. Ultimately, there’s no reason to assume they’re dreaming of you too. And they certainly wouldn’t be having the same dream as you at the same time, like some romantic version of a Nightmare on Elm Street movie. “I don’t buy it,” Dalfen says.
In short, we dream about what concerns us most.
That might not explain why you dreamt you were eating a plate of stuffed mushrooms when the thought of mushrooms makes you nauseous. But experts say you are more likely to dream about an ex than your current partner. “A person from your previous life will represents something about you in a way your present partner cannot,” Frank says.
Signs You Might Be in an Unhappy Relationship
Most people wake up from a dream about their former lovers and immediately assume they must miss this person. Frank explains it’s likely not your ex that you’re missing, but an aspect of who you were when you were with them you’re longing for. Maybe there is something in your current life you’re unhappy about, or something is dragging you down and you miss the carefree, joyous way you lived years prior.
You probably don’t miss your ex. You miss an aspect of who you were when you were with them.
Extrapolate the mood of how you felt and lived your life, and leave the people who were part of it out of the equation. But how can we tell if we truly do miss the person we used to date in our waking hours? Toub says we can never really know for certain if dreaming about an ex years later is about the actual outer person or symbolizes a part of ourselves. “Dreams are all so personal. I would say that it is up to the dreamer to decide—to feel out for themselves.” If the dreamer does decide to follow up with the outer person (the ex, in this case), and it doesn’t pan out, then that tells the dreamer it really was about something more subjective within them.
Consider keeping a dream journal to make the recurring dreams stop.
“A dream is the conversation you’re having with yourself about a very specific current issue that you’re attempting to problem solve,” says Dalfen. “Your unconscious mind gets the solution to what you want to do about a situation before your conscious gets it.”
Because the people and events in our dreams are symbols hand-picked by our subconscious mind, you may learn something from jotting down what happened, how it made you feel, and what memories and feelings you associate with the things you dreamed about. Over time, a clearer picture may emerge regarding what your dreams are urging you to think about. “The prize you get for remembering your dreams and recording them in a journal is that you can propel your problem solving skills,” Dalfen says.
And if you just want that ex out of your dreaming life for good, give this simple trick a try.
“The way to stop dreaming about your ex, believe it or not, is to ask yourself to stop,” Dalfen advises. “As you’re falling asleep, or even during the day, just say, ‘you know what? I’ve had enough. I don’t want to dream about them anymore!’ And you probably won’t.”
